Resentment. Is it holding you back?
Resentment can become pervasive in our lives. So much so, we often don't even notice when we are meeting someone for the first time, that we are passing them through our resentment filter.
Let me explain.
Have you ever met someone who just started at work and instantly you have decided that they are not going to be a fit?
Have you ever witnessed a boss or manager make an assertive decision, and you concluded that this person is controlling?
You may think that your ability to make quick conclusions about others is your secret superpower. However, I would like to suggest that this is kryptonite to your success in life.
These opinions are quickly formed because there is something you resent about the individual.
Often, when we make quick judgements about others, it has more to do with what is going on inside of us, then it has to do with them.
From a young age, we come to conclusions about others based on our experiences.
If someone was abused, we have decided that people can't be trusted.
If a parent left the family, one might conclude that people are selfish.
If someone grew up in a home where they had to take on parental responsibilities because their parents were consumed with themselves, may conclude that people just want to use them.
My daughter Faith had broken all four of her limbs before she was nine years old.
At about 10 years of age, she started to demonstrate an incredible amount of life-crippling anxiety.
She never wanted Andrea and me to go out. And when we did, she would text us non-stop, asking what we were doing and when would we be home.
We realized that this was not healthy, and we couldn't figure out what was going on. We got Faith the help she needed, and it came out in therapy, that she was suffering from separation anxiety.
It was discovered, Andrea and I were never present when Faith had any of her accidents that resulted in her breaking one of her limbs.
Faith had come to the conclusion that she was unsafe when mom or dad were not present.
Negative experiences can cause deep-rooted conclusions in our psyche.
Until we deal with them, they will inform the way we interpret the world around us.
Resentment is established in our lives based on negative experiences.
These negative experience establish conclusions about others.
If you desire to experience greater success in your interpersonal relationships, you need to admit that your resentments are informing your opinions of others.
Once we admit this, we need to get some help with our emotional development and health.
We need to increase our emotional intelligence.
Discuss your resentments with a therapist.
And, work on not judging, assessing and forming quick opinions about anyone.
Take some emotional risk with new people you meet.
It has been my experience that there are new opportunities on the other side of risk.
Cheering you on,